Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Last night I was lying in bed and thinking about regrets. What regrets do I have to live with? One major regret that I have is that I did not put Isabella to sleep the night before she passed. I had put her to be every night except for the odd night where we had a wedding or a party. I enjoyed putting her to bed and snuck as many kisses as I could before she went to sleep. I live with the fact that her last night in her crib I did not put her down to sleep. I regret that the morning that she passed I was not there to get her out of bed and watch our morning cartoons. Instead I was at my school dropping of my lesson plan and preparing my class for the supply teacher. I have to live with that guilt for the rest of my life. But most of all I have guilt that I was not in the hospital room with her when she passed. Imagine knowing that your child was slipping away and you were not able to do what a mother does and protect them and hold them tight. I was not able to hold her, sing to her and remind her how much we love her. That guilt is the hardest of all and it is something that I think about every moment of every day. I would never wish this pain on anyone, even my worst enemy. Instead I wish to share with people something that we hear very often but I am sure never really think about. LIFE IS SHORT! I am not pretending to be enlightened but I am telling you that I now know the truth of that statement. If you are a parent tell your children that you love them as often as you can and when you ask them about their day, really mean it and listen. Remember that the kitchen will eventually get cleaned and the laundry will eventually get done, those precious moments with your family are exactly that precious. Even if you do not have children, hold the ones that you love close and don't take for granted that they will always be there. Regret is a terrible thing and unfortunately it is sometihng that many of us have. I just hope that Isabella forgives me for my regrets and knows how much all of the moments that we spent together meant to me.
Posted by marisa at 12:29 PM