Wednesday, August 31, 2011
I received devastating news the other day that a friend of a relative of mine had a terrible loss. Her child passed away in his sleep, otherwise known as SIDS. My heart goes out to that family and I know to well the pain that they are going through.
I know the anger towards God, toward yourself and towards the universe for causing this terrible thing to happen. I know the lack of compassion towards anyone because the only pain that you are able to feel is your own, and no other pain matters. I know the bitterness towards every other person who has a living child (even complete strangers) because this happened to you and not to them. I know the unwillingness to take care of yourself (not eating healthy meals, not wearing your seat belt) because you do not care about yourself anymore. I know to well the will to be with them and begging God to take you as well because you could not bear another moment without your child.
Somewhere along the way I also began to know the little glimpses of hope and faith that you will see your child again. I experienced the moments when you get shivers for no reason because your child is sending you a big hug. I know the support of family and friends that carry you at times when you are unable to stand.
Unfortunately you have to go through the darkest moments in order to see the light that is at the end waiting for you. I have not fully gotten to that bright light but I know that I am on my way. I know that my future will be bright and that some day my tears will be replaced with laughter. My journey has just began and it is going to be a long road to travel. But I know that I am not travelling it alone. I have a fantastic husband who is also an outstanding father. Most of all I have a little monkey named Isabella who is dancing along beside us and cheering us in at times when we feel low. The three Cappelli's will get through this together and for that I am truly grateful.
Please keep that precious baby boy on your prayers.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake in the morning rush
I am the swift uplifting rush.
Of quit birds in circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there I did not die.
Written by: Mary Elizabeth Frye
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Thank you for all of your support.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
The mass was held at the same church where we had Isabella's mass and the resting place is the same mausoleum where Isabella is. I wanted to be there to support my friends because they have always been there for us, but I found it extremely difficult. It was hard being there and knowing that just five months earlier I was there celebrating the life of my daughter. I was able to sit through the mass which was beautiful. I find the church a very comforing place, I just wish that I had brought Isabella there more. Although I did go to the mosoleam, I did not stay for the burial. Instead I went to see Isabella and tried to get some comfort from her. I know that sounds weird that visiting her there would give me comfort. Just seeing her face, seeing her name and talking to her gives me comfort. She is my best friend and best friends comfort each other.
I miss you Bella!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
We went out to dinner on Monday with some family and right beside our table was a big blue butterfly (fake one) hanging in the plant. None if the other tables that we saw had one but ours. I think that was her way of saying that she was joining us for dinner. My daughter was not one to miss a good meal, just like her mommy!
Love you Bella,
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
This video was taken by my cousin Alex whom Isabella loves!!! This is just a little peek at what a little Monkey Isabella is. She was always happy and wanted to make everyone around her happy. She did a great job at that. Hopefully this video will bring a smile to all of your faces as it does for me.