Sunday, March 10, 2013

Dreaded day

I want to start by saying thank you to everyone who offered us support today through a card, email, phone call or whatever way it was. It is always comforting to know that Isabella is in your thoughts and hearts as well as ours. Today marks two years since the dreaded day. It means that I have lived more days without Isabella then I have with her. It seems as though she has always been in my life. My world was so different when she was in it and the center of it. I found myself a little angry this week. I wasn't angry at anyone in particular, not at God or the doctors or even myself. I was just angry at the situation and at the fact that she was not given a chance to play sports, go to school, have her first crush or even get grounded. All of those experiences that most people take for granted. I was and still am angry on behalf of all of the children that have to die. It happens to often. It seems that every day I hear another story about another child who has died and it tears me up each time. This should not be. Innocent children should not be taken so soon, they should be here giggling and running through sprinklers. We should be buying them ice creams and not bringing them flowers. Even though today is a terrible reminder of what has happened it is still just a day. Today is not any harder then tomorrow or yesterday. Each day I carry the same pain and each day my heart aches to see my little girl again. Each day I have to remind myself of the promise that I made to Bella when I saw her that last time. I promised her that I would make her proud and I can do that by being a good mother to Julian, good wife to Frank and a good friend for those who need me. I hope that you are proud of me Bella because I do all of this for you. I love you more than words can say. Mommy