Thursday, March 22, 2012

Some people....

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people move our souls to dance.

They awaken us to new understanding
with the passing of thier wisdom.

Some people make the sky
more beautiful to gaze upon.

They stay in our lives for a while
Leave footprints on our hearts.

And we are never, ever the same. 

(Author is unknown)

I found this poem online and wanted to share it.  The poem describles exactly how I feel about Bella.  The ending of the poem says it all.

And we are never, ever the same.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

1 Year

Today marks one year since Isabella's passing.  I thought that since I have never written about the day Bella passed, I would do so today.  As I tried to put that day into words I had to stop myself.  That day was to painful to even write about.  I don't think that I am ready to relive that day even if it is through my writing.

I woke up this morning not knowing what today would bring and I have to say that I made it through.  Early afternoon Frank and I went to the cemetery to visit Bella and later in the day we had a 1 year mass for Isabella at my church.  I was so amazed at the amount of people that came out to support us and to pray for Bella.  It is humbling to know that there are so many people that care about us and love and miss Bella.  I want to take this opportunity to thank all of those people who where there for us not only today but through the whole year.  You all have a special place in my heart.

Isabella, I miss you each minute of each and every day.  I love you more then I knew was humanly possible.  I am so blessed to be your mother and to have had all of the moments that we shared together.  Thank you for loving me and for showing me the meaning of true unconditional love.  With each day that passes we are a day closer to us being together.  I love you always Monkey.

The worlds proudest Mommy

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Walking ball of misery

My Gran, Nancy Ackerley has passed away at the age of 92.  She had a long life, yet saying good bye to someone is never easy.  She was an amazing person who loved the casino, sweets and Chicken nuggets.  I miss you and love you, Gran. 

I have to admit that after losing a child dealing with other losses is much easier.  Nothing will ever compare to the feeling of your heart being ripped out of your chest.  That is a pain that I will live with every day, and I would not wish that pain even on my worst enemy.  I am naturally a very sensitive person, but ever since March 10th, 2011 I am a stronger person.  I can take criticism, I don't cry as easily (unless we are talking about Bella) and I am able to deal with death differently then I would have in the past.

With all of this said, these days I feel like I am a walking ball of misery.  I miss Bella like crazy and there is nothing that I can do about it.  My Gran passed away and it is another reminder of how precious life is.  I am coming upon the 1 year anniversary of the day that Bella got her wings and I am saddened at how much time has gone by.  I feel like I have a dark cloud over my hear and it will not go away.

I miss you Sunshine!  You are and will always be the brightest light in my life.