Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Walking ball of misery

My Gran, Nancy Ackerley has passed away at the age of 92.  She had a long life, yet saying good bye to someone is never easy.  She was an amazing person who loved the casino, sweets and Chicken nuggets.  I miss you and love you, Gran. 

I have to admit that after losing a child dealing with other losses is much easier.  Nothing will ever compare to the feeling of your heart being ripped out of your chest.  That is a pain that I will live with every day, and I would not wish that pain even on my worst enemy.  I am naturally a very sensitive person, but ever since March 10th, 2011 I am a stronger person.  I can take criticism, I don't cry as easily (unless we are talking about Bella) and I am able to deal with death differently then I would have in the past.

With all of this said, these days I feel like I am a walking ball of misery.  I miss Bella like crazy and there is nothing that I can do about it.  My Gran passed away and it is another reminder of how precious life is.  I am coming upon the 1 year anniversary of the day that Bella got her wings and I am saddened at how much time has gone by.  I feel like I have a dark cloud over my hear and it will not go away.

I miss you Sunshine!  You are and will always be the brightest light in my life.



Susan said...

Marissa, I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. She has a good life. It is not like losing a child, but it is still a lost for you. How sad your grandmother won't get to meet your future children. Howver, I know you have a faith, and I hope that is a comfort to you x

Yes, I relate to the powerlessness of it all. They are dead - there is nothing we can do.

I also know what you mean about proportion. It is hard to get especially worked up about almost anything.

Sending you lots of love as you approach the first anniversary. If it is any consolation, nothing was as hard as the first year without Catherine. X x

michelle said...

I am sorry to hear of your grandmother. I wish there was somthing I could say to help about March 10th but there isnt; it sucks. I know of the cloud, it's over my head too right now, all we can do is hope that one day the sun will come out. I am always thinking of Isabella, she has a special place in my heart.xo

Nadia said...

I am so sorry to hear of your grandmother, but if it helps she is with Isabella now. I don't think any loss could compare to that of our children and yes we are probably stronger, but what a price to pay for being thoughts are with all of you at this very dark time.

Gina said...

Sorry to hear about your grandmother Marisa. She will finally see your precious girl in heaven. As your approach the one year anniversary, I hold you close in my heart and thoughts. See you on Saturday. xoxoxo

michelle said...

I am always thinking about Isabella but especially today she is in my thoughts and my heart. I wish you some comfort today and I am sending love. xo

BellaSteph said...

I am sorry love I missed this post.

I am sorry to hear about the passing of your grandmother. My great, great grandma is also 92. I know the loss doesn't compare but I know you are still sad. So I am sending you some love and prayers. xoxo