Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The same old......

It has been a while since I posted anything and sometimes I feel like I am just posting the same things over and over again.  I write about how much I miss her and how I wish that she was still here.  I write about how I want to make her proud of me and how she will never be replaced.  If I get tired of writing the same things, I can imagine how tiring it is to read it.  But in the end, this is a place for me to write about my feelings and once agin my feelings bring me to that same dark place.

With March 10th approaching, I cannot beleive that we are coming upon 1 year since the worst day of my life.  A day that started with laughs, hugs and kisses and ended in tears and dispair.  I cannot go back to that day and I don't know if I will ever be able to.  Driving home from the hospital with an empty car seat and knowing that my daughter was in a room without me is a memory that will haunt me forever.  1 year or 10 years and that day will always be hard.

I am happy that this year is a leap year and that I have an extra day to prolong that day from coming.  In the end that day is just like any other.  There is nothing different about that day, the loss is still there.  I guess it is just the fact that I know what happened the year before on that day that makes it hard. 

I miss you so much Princess.  I hope that you are watching me with smiles and giggles and saying Mommy if you only knew how beautiful heaven was you would never want to take me from here.  Heaven is more beautiful with you in it , baby girl.

Sweet dreams Monkey,


michelle said...

I never get tired of listening, you can write the same thing over and over because it's how we feel and it's the truth. I'll be thinking of Isabella and you and hubby.xo

Anonymous said...

We come to your blog to read about how you are feeling. The genuine and raw emotions that you describe help us in some small way to understand you a little bit better. We want to help, to comfort you, to support you in any way we can. You are so brave for sharing your inner most thoughts with all of us. The words you used to describe Bella's thoughts about heaven are beautiful. I will try and remember them as it is very hopeful. One day you will be united with her in that beautiful place.

Chris M said...

I dont tire of it either Marisa. Sending you and Frank all my love and support, especially over the next two weeks.

Susan said...

Yeah - you're right - it's all getting a bit dull for us regular readers - maybe you could spice it up with a few recipes or some cinema reviews?

Sorry, sorry! Having a sick sense of humour day.. no, you're not boring - you're bereaved. And it is very early days. And the anniversary is approaching - and it is just awful.. go read mine in the lead up to the 13th April last year. It's a very difficult time.

You are doing so well. Keep going.
And no - I will never tire of listening to you either xx

Angie said...

Such a difficult time for both you and Frank. This blog is for you to express your feelings; write whatever is in your heart. We will never tire of reading about the love you feel for your precious baby girl and how much you miss her. You have our support now and always.

We all miss our Little Angel.



Jenny said...

This blog has weighed heavily on mind since I read it. I know I myself have wrote about how it felt like i was writing about the same thing over and over. We are. We are also evolving and changing in our grief. 2 years for me, 1 year for you is coming up in a matter of days.
I take a picture of Megan's headstone every single time I go to see her. It doesn't change, well the flowers and decor does but it stays the same and Im sure people wonder why i do it. But i have to its all I have.

I agree with Susan, some recipes would be nice :P

None of us will ever be tired of hearing that we miss our kids. Sometimes i need that validation. I need to know that others know that I miss her, thats shes not forgotten. Sometimes i need to know that it is normal for me to miss her as much as i do as well.

love ya.

Do you have anythign planned for the 10th? I just know I will be going to the cemetary. Probably abotu it. Its not nice enough weather for a balloon release.

Ashley said...

I the same feel like i am always writing the same posts. But I think that is how our minds keep processing what has happened to us.

Thinking of you and wishing that things get a little bit easier on you. ((Hugs))

Nadia said...

I know it feels like the same things are said over and over but this is the roller coaster ride that we will forever be on. It would be a great comfort if we knew that our children are okay in heaven,it may even make us deal with the loss better. I will be thinking of you, your hubby and Isabella. Each day is a struggle and you're not alone, please don't feel that your emotions are boring anyone, they are real as you know and those who love and support you will never want to stop knowing how you feel and how you are doing. Some how, some way we get through each horrible day.

Gina said...

I never tire of reading your blog Marisa. Your feelings are true and valid so keep writing. I love the description of heaven too.
I am sending warm thoughts and hugs your way especially this week and next. I always pray that Isabella will heal and continue to make you stronger and wiser. You are a brave soul. Miss you. xoxoxoxo