Sunday, April 24, 2011

Another day gone

Another day has come and gone. I have to say that the days and nights are getting harder instead of easier. Each second feels like days and day feels like years. I feel as though I am wishing time away thinking that some day I will wake up and it might hurt a little less or I may find some joy in my life that makes me want to smile. Yesterday I saw a bunny in the backyard and I know that Isabella would have loved to see it. While I tried to put carrots out to feed it I scared it away. I left the carrots there thinking that it may coome back. I can just imagine Isabella standing at the window saying rabbit, rabbit. I would love to hear that beautiful voice. I think back to what I was doing on this day last year and I remember how excited I was. I had Isabella with her purple bunny ears on and her Easter basket in my hand and daddy behind the video camera. We walked around the house searching for the various chocolate eggs that I had hid. Isabella not understanding what was going on, and mommy like a giddy school girl. I was so excited to be having this moment with my daughter and to be sharing with her the special memories that I had as a child. I just hope that she is running around heaven looking for Easter eggs with big fluffy ears on. I miss her so much! I miss her smile and the way that she would push my bedroom door open with such force that it would bang the wall. More then anything I miss her hugs. I miss her little arms wrapped around my neck and her resting her head on my shoulder. What I would give to have that again. I never imagined that I could love another person as much as I love her. She truly is the best of me and Frank put together and she made us better people. Without her I feel like the centre of my family is gone and I don't ever know if we will feel whole again. Good Night Isabella, Mommy and Daddy love you.


Angie said...

It's impossible to find words to respond to your blog today as you describe the most beautiful memories ever. I just don't know what to say. My heart aches for you and Frank and I wish I could make the hurt stop for you both. We all miss her so very much and would also do anything to have her back. We must try our best to keep thinking about all the wonderful days we spent with her and all the joy and happiness she brought to our lives. Those memories will be in our hearts forever. I'm here for you both always.

With all my love,

Chris M said...

Marisa - you and Frank were in our thoughts yesterday, more than usual.

I hope you have a better day today hon.

Keep us all posted...

Gina C. said...

I went to visit Isabella today.I saw all the palms,the Easter eggs and the bunny. Looking at the beautiful picture of her with you and Frank, made me think of her rejoicing with Jesus on Easter morning dancing and singing Alleluia. I know this is difficult to do, but be happy for Isabella. She is where we all want to be one day, with our heavenly Father. You are better beacause of Isabella's birth, her love and all that she has taught you and Frank. You will always look back but don't forget to keep looking forward for Isabella. Your strength Marisa has touched me beyond words. I am so humbled by it and I continue to be so proud of you and all you have taught me this past month through your writings. Lots of blessings and hugs, xoxo

Jan Moir said...

Huggs Marisa....

I'm digesting what you are writing and wish to mention that animals are a very significant sign to all of us. The studies date back hundreds of years in the Celtic and many Native cultures as they hold such meaning.

Many times we don't realize these little signs...we just see the animal and never really think about their meanings and messages.

I have a number of books about this and read about many cultures - so when you mentioned seeing the rabbit I felt that I must share this with you.

One of the messages the rabbit carries when it comes in our path is it's time to set your mind on matters of reproduction. It doesn't have to be thoughts of physical birth, as the rabbit talks to us about conception, conceiving new ideas and holding them in our fertile minds and hearts until they are ready to give birth in their own perfect timing.

The rabbit's acute perception makes them sensitive to vibrations and energies that we often cannot comprehend. The rabbit is also a Shape Shifter and carries messages from above to the mere mortals here on Earth.

The messages they carry are to use one's intuition: knowing how to get around "in the dark" and being comfortable traveling in "unmarked territory."

It can also denote having or developing trust in the "Inner Light." The rabbit does not need an outside source to illuminate his way. His connection to the Collective Energy maintains his pathway.

One of the most important symbolical meanings is one of playfulness and joy for their displays of happiness are part of the Dance of Life!

I believe there was a message in this for you Marisa - How fitting that it was Easter!

Huggggs Darling....My thoughts are with you....and I am here to help you see the messages....

Jan xox

Holly said...

It's hard to feel whole when a part of your heart is missing.

Susan said...

Hi Marissa
I just found your blog today. I think you're very brave to write so early on in your grief, and so honestly. Isabella sounds such a charming little girl - so very loved and vibrant.

Thinking of you all tonight.. don't worry when you have bad days... I don't think it gets easier day by day, but over time you do get better at coping.

Catherine also died of Strep A, resulting from complications from chicken pox, and I relate to so much you write. Losing a healthy child suddenly just feels unbelievable. Nothing prepares you for the shock. You just need to keep breathing. It does get better xx