Bella's Butterfly Kisses: Gloomy with pockets of light

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Gloomy with pockets of light

Today's weather was very symbolic of how I felt today. I felt mostly gloomy with little pockets of light that were trying to shine through. The light showed itself as the friends and family that surround us daily with support, love and food! I had a dream last night that ran through my mind all day today. I dreamt that I was walking through the halls of Isabella's school and I noticed her cubbie and coat rack. I saw that her name tag was taken down and replaced with another child's name. It upset me so much to see another child's name where hers should be. I remember her walking those hallways so proud like she owned the place. I cannot say enough how much she loved her school and her friends that she made there. I remember crying so hard the days leading up to me returning to work and the fear that I had that she would not be taken care of and cherished by the teachers at her school. How wrong I was because they loved her and comforted her and that was evident in her demeanor when I picked her up. I think that is why my dream bothered me as much as it did. I makes me sad that those children in her class will not remember her and that her teachers may think of her less and less each day. It also makes me think of how life goes on for everyone but us. Our lives have stopped, our future is unknown and as much as everyone misses her and loves her they have gone on with thier lives. The reality is that someday we will have to do the same. I just cannot see that far yet and am unaware of how I will be able to smile and laugh knowing that she is not with me. Yet I am sure when I do laugh and when I do smile it will be because I am remembering her smile, her sense of humour and most of all her unconditional love. We love you monkey.

4 comments:

Bernadette said...: Though it may seem like others are going to slowly move on and forget, I don't think that is true. Even though I only know Isabella through stories I think about her everyday. I pray that the joy she is feeling in Heaven may somehow creep into your heart. Even if something of hers is physically replaced that amazing spirit you describe can never be replaced or forgotten. Marisa - your strength has given me strength to deal with life and has changed my perspective on everything. I will always think of you and beautiful Isabella.
Bernadette (Patty's friend); April 27, 2011 at 11:04 PM
Jenny said...: It is always a horrible to realize that people are moving forward. Their spots aren't held, time hasn't stood still at all. ITs a feeling I still hate.
Thinking of you; April 28, 2011 at 12:19 AM
Susan said...: Yes, people will move on. Eventually some of them will even become irritated with you for "not coping very well" or "not accepting it". Although C died over a year ago, I still think of myself as recently bereaved - but I know for other people, it is somehting that happened ages ago. So although Easter w/e was our first Easter without Catherine and included the anniversary of her funeral, lots of people still asked me if I enjoyed the holiday! Doh... go figure...

The think to hold onto though is this: parents don't leave their children behind. It's not like losing your aged Granny, who I talk of fondly in the past tense. For me my daughter is someone I love and think of every day, just as I would have done had she been alive. You will find ways of carrying her with you. It is not the same as having her to hold, but you at least will not move on - other than to let some of the raw pain subside.

You are doing so well - the things you are coming to terms with are a path well trodden. I think it is just something that needs to be done, but am here to hold your hand where ever I can.; April 28, 2011 at 2:43 AM
Angie said...: Marisa,
It makes me sad to read your words today because the reality is that our lives have gone on. We have had no choice but to move on. But as we go about our daily routines, in no way have we forgotten about our beautiful Isabella or do we think of her less each day. We miss that little monkey so very much. The love that we felt for her when she was with us has not and will never fade. She is in our hearts forever and ever.

I do believe that someday you will smile and laugh again and the sun will shine brightly on you once again. When that sun does shine it's Isabella smiling and laughing from Heaven above. You know she'd want you to be happy and smile back at her.

We're here for you for anything you may need.

Love you always and forever.

Angie; April 28, 2011 at 10:03 AM

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Group A Streptococcus: The Facts

(Information courtesy of Directors of Health Promotion and Education - http://www.dhpe.org/)

What is Group A Streptococcus (Group A Strep)?
-a bacterium commonly found in the throat and on the skin
-the letter "A" is in reference to the specific classification of bacteria in the genus Streptococcus
-in some cases Group Strep A might cause no symptoms of disease, while in others, it can cause infections ranging from mild to life-threatening
-it is spread by direct person-to-person contact
-can usually be treated with anti-biotics

What are the related infections?
-mild illnesses: strep throat or impetigo
-serious illnesses: scarlet fever, rheumatic fever, postpartum fever, wound infections, pneumonia

Early Signs and Symptoms:
-strep throat: fever, sore throat, swollen lymph glands
-skin infections: red, weeping skin sores
-scarlet fever: the above symptoms plus a characteristic rash on the neck, chest, skin folds and inner thighs

Ocassionally, a more deadly strand of Group A Strep can bring on two rare, but severe diseases:

1. Necrotizing Fasciitis
-often called the "flesh-eating disease"
-an infection that attacks the deep layers of tissue
-occurs when the strain enters through an opening in the skin
-for unknown reasons, the strain becomes very aggressive, releases a toxin and destroys flesh and muscle

Early Signs and Symptoms:
-fever and sever pain, swelling, heat and redness at a wound site

Note: In Canada, 3-7 people per 1 000 000 are affected each year with necrotizing fasciitis, which is approximately 90-200 cases per year. 20-30% of these cases are fatal.

2. Streptococcal Toxic Shock Syndrome
-causes a dangerous drop in blood pressure
-damages kidneys, liver and lungs
-toxin causes irreparable damage to tissue and organs

Early Signs and Symptoms:
-fever, dizziness and confusion
*this disease has no sign or symptom that make it distinctive from other illnesses

In all instances of Group A Strep infectiosn, symptoms will appear quickly, within 1-3 days.

What are some preventative measures?
-wash hands thoroughly and often
-ask your doctor for a throat culture for a sore throat paired with a fever
-keep wounds clean
-seek medical attention for infected wounds paired with a fever

How is Group A Strep contracted?
-the bacteria are carried in the discharges of the nose and throat of an infected person and/or in infected wounds or skin sores
-the bacteria spreads when it comes in contact with the eyes, nose or mouth of an uninfected person
-the bacteria can also enter the body through cuts and scrapes
Note: When an infected person is ill, the risk of contamination is the highest. People who are infected with no symptoms are much less contagious. Household items like cups, plates and toys do not play a significant role in the spread of Group A Strep.

Who is at risk?
Anyone.

What is the treatment for Group A Strep infection?
-various anti-biotics
-early treatment may limit the risk of death but does not prevent it in every case