Dreaming of my Princess

It finally happened after all of my asking and praying. I finally dreamt of Isabella. I dreamt that my little monkey was alive. In my dream she was younger that she was when she passed. I could tell because her hair was much shorter and not as curly. She had that little piece right at the front that she had that left us wondering when she would grow all of her remaining hair. Little did we know that she would eventually grow the most beautiful head of curly hair, just like daddy when he was a baby. When I saw her in my dream I remember saying that it was a miracle and that God had finaly given me my miracle. I remember thinking that all of my bargaining with God and Hail Mary's had paid off because God decided that he had made a mistake when he took her. I began looking at her for signs of Strep A such as the swollen neck or high fever and could not see any. I then said that I was going to call the hospital and have them look her over to make sure that they prevented her illness from returning. Then, I woke up. For a minute I lay there believing that my dream was real and then I realised that that is all it was, a dream. Suprisingly, I did not cry or scream. Instead I closed my eyes and tryed to continue my dream. I was not done with seeing her, I needed more. I did not get to kiss her, smell her, tell her how much I love her and miss being with her. Unfortunately just like I cannot control every aspect of my life, I was not able to control my dream. I was not able to close my eyes and have my daughter alive, even if it was only for a minute and even if I knew that it was not real. I was trying to find a sign in my dream, convinced that there had to be one. I was thinking that maybe my dream was Isabella telling me that she is alive. That a miracle did happen and that she is proof because she is alive, in heaven. I will never know what my dream meant or if it even is meant to be a sign. But I do know more then ever that Isabella is alive in heaven and that she is experiencing pure, unconditional love. Am I still angry, YES. Am I still sad, YES. Am I still confused, YES. But I am coping with all of these emotions the best way that I know how. Thank you for visiting me sweet Bella. You came to me when you knew that I needed you the most. I will be thinking of you tonight and awaiting our next visit. I love you.