Friday, April 8, 2011

Dreaded Weekends

I remember how much I used to love Friday nights because I knew that the days to come were filled with family time. Staying in our pajamas until noon, watching the Wiggles movie, having big family dinners or even going to the grocery store. It did not matter what I did as long as it was with my two favourite people. Now, I sit here dreading the weekends and the family time that I am missing. I am constantly reminded by the families walking by the house, the parents riding their bikes with the children's seats in the back or even the smell of the B.B.Q. I can't help but be envious or even jealous of all of these things, because these are the things that I had planned to do with Isabella. I know that Isabella is doing these things in heaven along with many other great things but I cannot help but wish that we could experience these things together. After reading the many blogs of other parents who are greivng the loss of a child I have come to terms with the fact that this is now my life. I will have bad days and better days, but will never have the same days that I once had. How can I? My heart has been ripped out and now I am trying to put it back together peice by peice. Even though some day it may be whole again, it will always have the scar that Isabella's loss has left. We love you Isabella

4 comments:

Joyce said...

Our hearts go out to you and Frank. If you ever need us to visit you to keep you company or for anything at all... let us know.
I am so proud of you, you're doing a wonderful job keeping Bella's memories alive. Everything you've written about and posted has touched our hearts just as Bella has. Believe that she is looking down from heaven proud of her Mommy.

Anonymous said...

Marisa and Frank,
Each day I've been reading your entries and my heart aches for both of you. I am also amazed at how you're able to share these raw emotions you're experiencing, and the intimate details of your life with Isabella. People have said, over and over, what an inspiration you are, and it is absolutely true! Through your pain, although you may not know this, you are actually teaching us all so much about how to properly mourn. You are giving us a gift! And though I've never met Isabella, your beautiful descriptions have made it easy to picture the 3 of you together...a very close family.
I keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.
thank you for sharing both your sadness and your joy, and the beautiful memories of your precious little girl, Isabella.

Angela Velocci said...

Marisa, you have every right to feel the emotions that you are feeling right now. I do believe that the pieces of your heart will be put back together eventually with the strength that Isabella is giving you everday. Your family and your friends are all here for you; supporting you in anyway you need to be.

I love you always and forever,

Angie

Lucy said...

Sis,
I know the weekends are hard, especially a beautiful, sunny warm day like today. I am glad I got to spend the day with you and I hope it brought you some comfort. WE love you very much and are always here for you and Frank.