Dreaded Weekends

I remember how much I used to love Friday nights because I knew that the days to come were filled with family time. Staying in our pajamas until noon, watching the Wiggles movie, having big family dinners or even going to the grocery store. It did not matter what I did as long as it was with my two favourite people. Now, I sit here dreading the weekends and the family time that I am missing. I am constantly reminded by the families walking by the house, the parents riding their bikes with the children's seats in the back or even the smell of the B.B.Q. I can't help but be envious or even jealous of all of these things, because these are the things that I had planned to do with Isabella. I know that Isabella is doing these things in heaven along with many other great things but I cannot help but wish that we could experience these things together. After reading the many blogs of other parents who are greivng the loss of a child I have come to terms with the fact that this is now my life. I will have bad days and better days, but will never have the same days that I once had. How can I? My heart has been ripped out and now I am trying to put it back together peice by peice. Even though some day it may be whole again, it will always have the scar that Isabella's loss has left. We love you Isabella