Monday, April 11, 2011

1 Month of Sadness

So the weekend is over and now I have to face another week. Today marked 1 month since Isabella passed away. How quickly time is going, it feels like I have not seen Isabella in such a long time. I was upset today because I felt memories starting to become unclear. I am afraid that I am forgetting the sound of her voice or her laugh. I want so bad to watch the many videos of her but am afraid that I will not be able to see through my tears. I sometimes just have to say out loud how much I miss her and how much I would give to hold her again. I find myself bargaining with God even though I know that he will not change what has happened. I keep thinking that maybe a miracle will happen and maybe I can go back in time and prevent this from happening to her. I am reading all kinds of books about people who have had out of body experiences and how prayer brought them back to life. I am questioning that maybe I did not pray enough while she was in the hospital or maybe God did not think that I deserved to have her back. I just wonder why some people get second chances and others do not. If anyone deserved to come back it was her. She had so much life and wonder in her eyes and it makes me angry that it is gone. The world became a darker place on March 10, 2011 because the biggest ray of sunshine was taken away. Isabella, you will always be the sunshine that brightens up my life and my heart. I am thinking of you every minute of every day. I love you Bella.


Lucy said...

I wish I had some answers for you to make you feel better, but obviously no one here on Earth does. I know that even though God is the one we question during hard times, he is also the one we can turn to for strength. Whatever you are feeling in normal and is expected. I'm always here to listen and to provide comfort. I love you.

Anonymous said...


I wish we could all heal your pain...

Time will heal all wounds even though you don't believe it right now. I can't say I can relate on any level nor can I understand what you are going through. I know that the world may seem dark right now, but the sun will shine again, Bella's light will shine again for you :)

Thinking of you, love ya!

-J. Metz