Sunday, May 15, 2011

Rain, rain, go away!

Rain, rain go away! I used to love the rain because it expressed my feeling inside and because I knew that Isabella and I would not be outside running around. But I have to say that this rain is doing nothing for me. It is depressing and it stops me from going outside when I need a change of scenery or to escape the dry air in the house. Yesterday in between rain showers, my husband and I grabbed some umbrellas and took a walk. To my surprise, we ended up at my in-laws house. This is a big deal since that is the only house that I have been to since Bella has passed. We were able to put smiles on my in-laws faces because the visit was so unexpected.

My crying is turning to anxiety and a constant knot in my stomach. I almost prefer the crying because after a good cry I have a few minutes of peace. With anxiety there is no escape, it is always there lingering. I hope that this will pass too.

I miss my little monkey with all my heart and wish that she was here so that we can watch The Wiggles as she lies on my lap. I love you Princess.


Macuil said...

I read your blog everyday, I am praying for you daily and think about babu Bella everyday! I wish i knew how she was, I would love to see more pics of her and hear about the things that she used to do and put a smile on your face. =)

michelle said...

The only other place I have gone since losing Jack is my mother in laws- she has been a great support through all of this, I am still grappling with huge anxiety when I go out of the house without Jack- I always take his urn with me, I like the rain it comforts me and makes feel like the world is crying with me

michelle said...

ps yes more pics would be great of bella if you have them on computer, I bet she was a doll all dressed up in a dress


Most of the time a good cry makes me feel better...or at least able to continue with the rest of my dad. Thinking of you ((Hugs))

Patricia said...

Keep asking the angels for comfort and to show you the way. Hope to see you soon.

Lucy said...

Even though the pain and loss you feel doesn't go away, I am so proud of you for challenging yourself to step out of your comfort zone. Your home is your safe place and the place where you feel closest to Bella. going for a walk to your in laws was probably a little bit scary, yet you gathered enough courage to do it. You should be proud of yourself, I know Bella is too!
I Love you very much.