Sunday, December 11, 2011

Nine Months of Empty Arms

Yesterday marked nine months since I have held Bella in my arms. I still cannot believe that it has been that long, it just does not seem real to me. I think of all of the memories that the first nine months of her life brought and it upsets me because that is all that I am left with.

I wonder if in heaven you have memories of your earthly life. I wonder if Bella thinks of me, or if she misses me. They say that in heaven there is no time, so maybe she does not even realise how long we have been apart. I just hope that she does not see me crying or know that I am sad without her. The hardest thing is knowing that her spirit is around me and not being able to see her or touch her.

Every night I pray for strength and courage for myself and my family. I pray for the strength to face another day and the courage to let my guard down and trust in the universe and Gods plan for me. Please continue to pray for my family and that we can someday enjoy this beautiful world once again.


michelle said...

Sending well wishes.xo

Lucy said...

Each night I pray for the exact same thing.
We have to believe that we will enjoy our lives again, not exactly the way we once did, but we will. I truly believe that Bella would want that for all of us, especially her Mommy and Daddy.

Angie said...

Know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers everyday. I pray for you to have the strength to deal with losing Bella and to find a way to cope in this world without having her physically by your side.

It may help for you to think that the beauty of this world IS Bella. She is the sunshine, the wind blowing, the snowflakes falling and the sparkle of the Christmas lights.

I think she would want you to believe the world is still beautiful. I know she will help you believe that again one day. Be patient with yourself.

I love you


Chris M said...

Marisa I think about you every day.

You may not feel like it most days, but you're stronger than you know. You and Frank will come out the other side of this with all of our love and support to help you.

alexvelocci said...

Dear Isabella,

It has taken me 9 months to make sense of the feelings inside me. I love you like I have never loved anyone before, and it did not make sense to me, until recently. I love my whole family, but you and I had this bond. You were my pride and joy. All my friends new about every new word you said, or every exciting moment we spent together. You were the first person close to me that I lost. I lost my faith, and I lost hope in finding love like that again. But I recently realized that I don’t need to find that love again. You and I still have this special connection. I feel you around me, and I still talk to you every day. Every time I have a hard day I thank you for being there, holding my hand, and helping me along my struggles. People really do take things for granted in this world, but I wouldn’t change a single thing about the 18 months I got to spend with you. You were truly an angel. I know that you know how much we all love and miss you. I just wanted to say Merry Christmas baby girl. Keep shining down. Thinking of your smile really does make this world a better place.

Love you forever and always.

Lucy said...

Alex Sweet Girl,
You and Bella did have a very unique bond and it was very obvious to everyone. You are so wise beyond your years and I am so glad you realize your relationship with Isabella is still as strong as it used to be.
Isabella is a very special girl and so are you.

Patricia said...

Sometimes I just wish God could let us in on a bit of the mystery so we could understand things a little better, but it seems, He can't, so you're right - all that we can do is hold onto hope and faith and somehow rebuild our trust in the universe and in God and believe that love conquers all.
I love you.

marisa said...

Thank you for your continual prayers.

Alex, your words mean so much to me. I always said that I would love Isabella to have grown up to be just like you. I just know that she would have had your faith, kind heart and genuine heart. You are an amazing person and that is why Bella loves you so much. You two do share a special bond that will continue for eternity. For that I will forever be thankful.

Susan said...

Marisa - thinking of you and Bella at this difficult time of year.

Somehow I've been missing your blog.. it's not showing up in my dashboard... not sure how that happened. Will start reading again xx