Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Got through the holidays

I have gotten through the holidays, or have I? Does it count when you retreat in your home and pretend that the holiday does not exist? Does it count when you ignore the phone because you are afraid that someone is going to say the dreaded words of Merry Christmas? Does it count when you do not rush through the malls searching for the perfect gift for the people that you love. I know deep down that I did not really get through the holidays because I did not acknowledge that the day was here. The only decorations that I saw were the ones that family had placed with Isabella at the Cemetery.

I know that next year if I do decide to acknowledge the holiday it will be just as hard or even harder as it was this year. I know that some day I will have to put up a Christmas tree, attempt the malls for Christmas Shopping and even attend Holiday parties. The one thing that will be consistent every year is that I will have to go to the Cemetery in order to visit my baby girl. That is something that I will never enjoy, or never get used to. It is one of those things in life that you don't want to do because it is so unnatural.

My husband pointed something out to me at the cemetery. Isabella is resting in an area that has a large window. Outside the window is a tree that was decorated with ornaments. The whole cemetery has trees surrounding it but the tree that is in front of Isabella's window is the only one that is decorated. Isabella is the only person facing that window because she is in a section of the cemetery all on her own. I may never know who decorated that tree, but I will forever be grateful to that person. They took the time to do something special for someone that they may not even know. I like to think that there are Angels that look after the cemetery and they do special things like this to put a smile on our faces.

Thank you to all of the Angels in my life that are there for me today and always.


michelle said...

You got through the dreaded Christmas and you did what was best for you and your hubby at the time and thats all that counts. It was so nice of someone to decorate the tree. There are lots of people that carry Isabella in their hearts. xo

Nadia said...

We all find a way to cope to survive what should be a happy time and that was your way for this year anyways. There is nothing wrong with the way you handled it. I know we would have liked our lives and those of our children to have had a different outcome but we must take each event or holiday and do what feels right for us at that particular time.