Sunday, June 12, 2011

Time

Friday marked three months since I have held Isabella. I cannot believe that it has been that long yet on the other hand it feels like an eternity. I sill think of her as my eighteen month old monkey, yet she would have been twenty one months old. In my mind she is still my little baby, and I think that no matter how many years go by that is what she will always be.

Sundays for me bring a wave of emotions. Sunday evenings are always difficult because I sit and think of the week that passed and all of the things that I did. Then I remember that I did them without my daughter Isabella at my side. I did not have to rush home for nap times, or prepare healthy snacks or change dirty bums. I did not have to prepare her bag for school, or sit and reread the same stories over and over. Instead I had all the time in the world to do what I wanted. I could watch t.v, read a book, go for a walk or even go shopping, all things that I once enjoyed doing. Yet now I don't want time to myself. I had years of time to myself and I was happy dedicating my time to being Isabella's mother. Even though I am still her mother and will always be her mother I am still left with all of this time. I now know how precious the time that we had together was and I am thankful that we took advantage of every second. I have learned that you can never get that time back and that nothing that you do in life should ever be a waste of time.

4 comments:

michelle said...

Yes so much extra time now like the empty nest syndrome. I hate it and wish I busy every second looking after Jack

ASHLEY ELDER said...

Time is precious and especially after something like this you really realize how important it is.

I will always think of my son as my baby also...he'll forever be my 4 month old...

Susan said...

Yes - it's weird, isn't it? I was so busy as a working mum - now I have nothing much to do... sending you a hug xx Grief is hard work too

Lucy said...

Sis, I think that many of us learned some very important lessons in losing Bella...live each day as if it's your last, don't take things or people for granted, never sweat the small stuff and like you said, nothing we do should be a waste of time. I just wish with all of my heart that you, Frank and especially sweet Bella did not have to carry the heaviest price, in order for us to learn these things. We are always here for you.