Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Birthday Girl

Four days ago was my little princesses 4th birthday. I expected this day to be hard but I never expected to react the way I did. It was such a hard day, even harder then last year. As her age gets bigger it is like a knife in the heart at the thought that she only got to celebrate one birthday here on earth. She only got to taste one of her homemade birthday cakes. The age of four is when children begin to truly appreciate and understand what their birthday represents. They assist in the planning of their party and help make their birthday cake. They rip into those birthday presents so excited anticipating what is inside. I feel ripped off and even more I feel like she was ripped off. I feel like she was introduced to this wonderful world and all of the people who love her only to be taken away so quickly. This year her birthday brought me anger, sadness and lots and lots of crankiness. I dragged my feet though the day trying to make it special. We went for breakfast because Isabella loved her eggs, we brought her balloons and released one into the air. I made her cupcakes with little flowers on top. But nothing was enough. She deserves the best and I feel like I did not give her that. Yet on the other hand I know that the breakfast, the balloons, and the cupcakes were in an attempt to make me feel better about the situation because where she is she does not feel sadness and is happy with whatever we do. Isabella I hope that the angels sang you Happy Birthday and that all of the balloons released in you honour made it right into your hands. I hope that you know how much we love you. Thank you to everyone who made a donation to the Mount Sinai hospital as a dedication for Bella's birthday and for all the calls, texts and e-mails of support. Love and miss you sweet girl.

4 comments:

Nadia Nicodemo said...

Your words bring tears to my eyes as I can honestly say that I know first hand what it feels like to be ripped off. Although as parents it's not comforting for us for our kids to not be with us but Isabella is happy and free of sadness........wishing you strength for this stressful and sad journey.

Nadia

marisa said...

Nadia,
I know that you know exactly how I feel as we have spoken about this many times. Jason and Bella were taken way to soo . Thank you for your constant support.

Susan said...

Happy birthday little Bella.

The 4th birthday is the first one that Catherine didn't get, and she was so looking forward to it. It is just impossibly hard and impossibly unfair xx

Nonna & Gampa said...

Bella our little princess. We miss you more each day. When I think of the wonderful times we had together we smile, laugh and then cry.
Although we have had no choice but to more on with our lives, you are always at the fore front of our thoughts and wonderful memories.

You are truly the best and will always be our precious little princess.
Loving you always.
Nonna & Gampa