On September 20th, 2009 the world welcomed a beautiful baby girl named Isabella Grace Cappelli. She not only made her mommy and daddy melt with her beautiful eyes and full lips but she captured the hearts of all who came in her path. March 10th, 2011 she returned home to God and is waiting there for for the day that she is to be reunited with all that she loves. Those who knew her were blessed to have had the opportunity to be loved by her. She will be forever missed but never forgotten.
Monday, February 3, 2014
It has been a long time
It has been so long since I have written anything but have felt the need and want to write again. I want to revisit my feelings and to feel that pain again. Anyone reading this may not understand but I will try to explain. Firstly, do not think that I am not missing my daughter and am not in pain because she is not here with me. I am and I do more then anything. But the pain is different. It has almost become a backdrop to my life. It is always there and it comes with me everywhere but it is not the centre of my life. I can go through a day without any tears but she is always in my thoughts. I feel so guilty that I feel happy. I feel guilty that I am looking forward to things like taking my son to the park. I feel guilty for living again. My son has brought me back to life and I don't know that he will ever truly understand how he saved me. He truly saved my life.
I found myself reading an old post from very early on in my loss. While reading this post I could feel that immense pain and that desperation that I felt when I wrote it. I cried and cried while reading it but I have to say that it is what I needed. I needed to be reminded of how far I have come in this journey. I needed to remind myself that it was not easy and it did not happen over night. It took time,hard work, faith and lots of support from others. I need to remember that even though I am "living" I should not feel guilty because I am doing it with a broken heart. For anyone who is reading this that is new in their grief, pease know that the sun will shine again. It may not look as bright or feel the same way when it touches your skin. But it will shine and you will learn to appreciate it for what it is.
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4 comments:
Your words are very beautiful.
Thank you!
You are allowed to enjoy every moment that you are so deserving of. Our heavenly father wants this for you Marisa. Miss you. xoxoxo
You are the most remarkable person I know. I'm sure Bella had a hand in bringing Julian into your life. She wants you to be happy. You deserve it. She is with you every step of the way.
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