Birthday Girl

Four days ago was my little princesses 4th birthday. I expected this day to be hard but I never expected to react the way I did. It was such a hard day, even harder then last year. As her age gets bigger it is like a knife in the heart at the thought that she only got to celebrate one birthday here on earth. She only got to taste one of her homemade birthday cakes. The age of four is when children begin to truly appreciate and understand what their birthday represents. They assist in the planning of their party and help make their birthday cake. They rip into those birthday presents so excited anticipating what is inside. I feel ripped off and even more I feel like she was ripped off. I feel like she was introduced to this wonderful world and all of the people who love her only to be taken away so quickly. This year her birthday brought me anger, sadness and lots and lots of crankiness. I dragged my feet though the day trying to make it special. We went for breakfast because Isabella loved her eggs, we brought her balloons and released one into the air. I made her cupcakes with little flowers on top. But nothing was enough. She deserves the best and I feel like I did not give her that. Yet on the other hand I know that the breakfast, the balloons, and the cupcakes were in an attempt to make me feel better about the situation because where she is she does not feel sadness and is happy with whatever we do. Isabella I hope that the angels sang you Happy Birthday and that all of the balloons released in you honour made it right into your hands. I hope that you know how much we love you. Thank you to everyone who made a donation to the Mount Sinai hospital as a dedication for Bella's birthday and for all the calls, texts and e-mails of support. Love and miss you sweet girl.