Saturday, July 2, 2011

It finally happened

It finally happened! My husband and I were looking for new couches and the salesman asked me if I had any children. I have been anticipating being asked this question and even practiced how I would respond. I surprised myself at how I was able to say that I had one child. He continued to inquire and asked me what the gender was and I replied a girl. I was thinking that it would end there I was satisfied with my answer. Then he continued and asked how old she was. This question always fumbles me because she would have been almost 21 months but when she passed she was 18 months. I was not ready to divulge my story of her passing to a sales man that I had just met so I stated that she is 18 months old. He still continued saying that they are a handful at that age. I wanted to shout, I wish that I was experiencing the handful that toddlers can be but instead I am sitting and wondering what it would be like. But instead, I just nodded and said yes they are.

I did it and I did not cry. I was able answer the many questions about my daughter and not allow it to ruin my day. Instead I found that I was so proud of her and I loved talking about her. The problem is that I love talking to her in present tense. In my heart she is still alive and that is how I want it to stay.


michelle said...

Its such a hard question to answer, I always find my self pausing and fumbling with the answers. I'm glad that you handled it so well :)

Susan said...

Being pregnant, you get asked this a lot. Is it your first? What else do you have? How old is she? I've tried answering it every which way... lots of people apologise when you say your child has died - as though they should have known (telepathically) not to mention it! Both my new cleaners (we use a company which sends new ones occassioanlly) have asked after my daughter - her room is still in tact, bed sheets still on the bed - so I suppose it is a fair assumption.

You did well - you will find your way through, as we all do. And sometimes it will be eaiser than you expect, and other days harder. Wishing you strength and peace.

Isabella is a beauty - and you should mention your gorgeous daughter as often as you want xx