Tuesday, October 30, 2012


  I feel as though the days are going by to fast and I am trying to slow them down.  So much has changed in the past year and a half and even though I have many great things that are happening, it scares me that the world is still turning without Bella here.

  Within my house alone so many things look different then when Bella was here.  All of the things that we wanted to do when Bella was here we have finally done.  I feel a little guilty that all of these changes are happening and I wonder if Bella would approve.  I wonder if she likes the new couches or the new lamps.  I hope that she still feels at home in our house even with all of the changes.

  Yesterday we sold my car that I had purchased twelve years ago.  It was the car that we brought Bella home from the hospital in.  We brought her to all of her ultrasound appointments when she had her hip brace on.  I picked her up from daycare everyday in that car.  It was very hard for me to see that car drive away and to know that Bella had never experienced our new car.  I know that my car is not Bella but I feel as though another piece of me has gone.  A piece that holds so many great memories with my daughter.

   Last night I felt the need to sleep with a picture of Bella in my hand.  I need to feel her close to me and for her to know that know matter what she will always be my best friend, soul mate, and first born

  I love you Isabella Grace.


Susan said...

I attach to "stuff" too - even though I know they are not Catherine, and don't really matter.

M has been using Catherine's things - which is what I wanted to do - but it does mean that are getting damaged and broken. And then of course, when M finishes with them - do we throw them away??

It is all difficult stuff to deal with. We will just have to feel our way.

Much love to you. The baby must be due ever so soon now? xx

michelle said...

xo to you baby and Bella