Sunday, November 27, 2011


Does the guilt ever go away? My husband is constantly reassuring me that I was the best mother possible, yet I still feel responsible for Isabella's death. I feel as if I should have never let them send us home from the hospital or I should have called the ambulance sooner. I feel as if I should have done so much more then I did. You hear of all of these miracles, maybe I did not pray enough. A mother is supposed to protect her children from all harm. I feel as if I have failed in protecting my daughter. Even though my heart tells me that I did all that I could, my mind tells me otherwise.

When will this guilt stop?


Lucy said...

I have no answers for you, I'm sorry.
What I do know for sure is that you were and still are the most dedicated, loving and selfless Mother I have ever met. I have a million and one examples I could write about to prove this. My favourite one has to be you and I sitting in your living room surrounded by 6 snowsuits you had bought for Isabella. You wanted your daughter to have the warmest and coziest snowsuit ever and couldn't decide which one to get, so you bought them all! You always wanted the best for Isabella, from snowsuits, to daycares, down to the healthiest foods,and Bella always had the best of everything...Especially her parents.
I'm sure that guilt is part of the grieving process and I don't want to dismiss your feelings, because they are very important. Remind yourself that you and Frank did everything humanly possible and the doctors and micro-biologists have told you there was nothing anyone could have done.
Listen to your heart, it knows best.

Angie said...

Oh my sweet neice. Please, don't beat yourself up. You and Frank are the best parents ever. You did everything in your power to help Isabella. It was out of your control. It was out of all our control. As Lucy said in her post, the feelings of guilt are part of the grieving process but I pray that you can dismiss those feelings because you have no reason to feel guilty. I hope that you can replace those feelings with the love that was felt between you and your daughter. She loves you so very much and so do I.

Hugs and kisses,


Chris M said...

Marisa my dear, you and Frank are the most loving, committed parents any child could ever ask for.

I agree with Lucy, and would never trivialize the feelings you’re experiencing. However, it’s sometimes very hard for all of us to see the forest for the trees. The way I see it from the outside, the notion of you failing ANYONE, let alone your Bella, is the most preposterous thing I can imagine. You did everything you could for her at the time, and you continue to do so by honoring her here.

Sending all my love and support every day.


marisa said...

I appreciate all of your support and kind words. Thanks for listening as I express all that I am feeling.

michelle said...

The guilt, guilt and more guilt. When will it go away? I ask myself that very same question. It comes from reliving it all trying to think that if we did something differently our children would be alive. We try so hard even now to save them. It comes from outliving our children. Losing a child is unatural, there is no grieving process to follow or timeline. You are a great Mom, I am right there with you like so many others with these feelings.We feel guilty because we are good parents even if there is nothing we could have done to change the outcome. I am thinking of you and Isabella.

Patricia said...

Isabella wants you to love yourself as much as you love her.