Saturday, February 22, 2014

Love you more then words can say

As February is coming to an end, I am forced to face that March is around the corner. I cannot believe that it has been three years already. Where has the time gone. My little eighteen month old that was running around in a diaper would now be a four and a half year old that was probably into Barbies and dolls. I always planned on doing mother daughter stuff with Bella such as getting our nails done and going for brunch just the two of us. As I have started many times before, she was my best friend and even though she was just a toddler she had a very old soul. Julian is over five months old now and is soon going to pass the age that Bella lived to be. That is so strange to me that he is the younger brother but some day will look older then I remember her. He is getting close to saying her name. Ok, maybe not but he says Bl and that is close enough. I find that I keep comparing Isabella and Julian and it is such a terrible thing to do. She was a very early talker and spoke full words. Julian is beginning to talk but is still, at the beginning sound stage. Even though I know that all parents tend to compare their childrens milestones, it is something that I am trying not to do. Being that Isabella had not reached her terrible two stage, she is always going to be the golden child who always listened and never misbehaved. It is not fair to Julian to have to compete with that. Julian is his own person and should not have to always try to live up to the memory of his sister. He is a little more curious and rambunctious then his sister but he has the same heart of Gold. He loves to cuddle, give kisses and is so effectionate. He gets that from me. As March 10th approaches, please keep Isabella in your thoughts and prayers. She definitely was an angel here on earth and I will always miss those beautiful black curls and those beautiful eyes. Isabella the last three years have felt like an eternity. I love you more then words can express. Mommy


Susan said...

I have a don't fight policy of allowing myself to feel what ever I feel. I think comparing is very natural, and I'm sure we'd do it if both our children were alive.

I'm easier now about whatever it is - whether M is like C or different. Yet it's hard to know if all wee girls would be like this or whether things that seem different now (like the point they began talking) would just cease to be significant as they both got older... except Bella and Catherine never will.

Huge hug to you - none of this is easy xx

Anonymous said...

I think of Isabella each and much I love her, miss her ,how much I want to hold her in my you mentioned her captivating eyes and gorgeous curls, but also the funny words she said like immpamus (hippopotomas)and my favourite, yaya baba (Mya Baby).
I will always hold her close to my heart, my only niece, my only god child, the first baby I ever fell in love with.