Happy Birthday Sweet Girl

Happy Birthday my sweet girl.

You are no longer my little monkey, you are now my 3 year old monkey.   I can only imagine the little girl that you would have become.  I know that you would have been a beautiful girl with your curly black hair and your amazing eyes.  Some people called them brown, but I  still insist that they were green.  Just like daddies.  Your first birthday party was a tiara theme and I wonder what you would have requested this year.  I am convinced it would be animals because you loved playing with and saying the names of all of your animals.  Your little elephant is right beside me as I type this and has been there since you passed.  Just like you left it.  Mommy and daddy released a balloon each for you today.  I hope that they make thier way to you in heaven.  Mommy made you a butterfly birthday cake.  It is vanilla flavor just like the one that I made you for your first birthday.  

Trying to find the perfect card for you was impossible.  They don't make a card for this situation.  It doesn't exist.  All of the birthday cards are full of excitement and cheer, which is what birthdays should be full of.  Not loss, sadness and longing.  I hope that you like the one that I chose for you.

Isabella, I love you so, so  much and I miss everything about you.  I hope that you have a very happy birthday in heaven.  I hope that heaven is full of streamers and balloons just for you.  There will be a day that we will celebrate your birthday together once again.

I love you sweet girl and am sending you kisses form home.  You are mommy's best friend forever.

Love you

Preparing for Bella's brother

I am back.  It has been a while since I have posted my own thoughts or even read other peoples.  There has been so many days that I wanted to sit down and write, but the words did not want to come.  I have said it before that I just get tired of saying the same thing over and over again.  I miss Isabella so much and even though I am coping much better today then I was last year, the missing has not gone away.  It never will.  I miss her as much today as I did on March 10th, 2011.  Maybe,  even miss her more.

I am back at work and am trying to get the house ready for the new baby.  I am grateful for the distraction as Isabella's birthday approaches.  She would have turned 3 years old on September 20th.  Her and her brother would have been 3 years apart and have been so close.

I have started to get the babies room ready.  I had to go through Isabella's clothes and try to find things that her brother could wear as well.  I was not opposed to putting Bella is blue or green so it was not to hard to find some.  It brings me some comfort to know that her brother will wear some of her clothes and have a peice of her with him always.  The rest of clothes I had to fold up and put in storage containers.  I cried as I held up my favourite peices remembering how beautiful she looked in them.  I think that she was with me as I went through her clothes and that she gave me the courage to do so.  She gives me the courage to face each and every day.

I miss you sweet girl but I know that I will see your beautiful, eyes and sweet smile again.  I will hear your voice  and experience your kisses.  I look forward to the day that we meet again but until then your papa, brother and I will miss and love you always.

Mommy